5 Ways You Allow Others to Decide Your Worth for You

One key to a healthy life and happiness is a feeling of self-worth. Self-worth is the feeling or beliefs that we have about ourselves. Emotional issues like depression, anxiety, feelings of hopelessness and even thoughts of suicide can arise when one feels that they are worthless. All too often, many of us seek our level of worth from outside sources such as other people, our job, our possessions, our position, and the quantity of people that we have in our lives. The issue with this is that these things are forever changing and if we put our worth in these things, our feelings about ourselves will forever be changing as well. The sad thing is that other people can discern when we have a low self-worth and will treat us accordingly of we allow it. Below are 5 ways in which you allow others to decide your worth for you and how you can change it today:

Not knowing what you want

When we don’t know what we want in relationships, friendships, business, ect., we allow others to either tell us what we want and need or leave ourselves open to manipulation. When are unsure of what you want and need, it’s far easier for someone to suggest things to you or to outright tell you! Have you ever allowed someone to talk you into doing something that you really didn’t want to do? Have you gone out on dates with people whom you know you really didn’t want to date? Have you carried conversations on with people you didn’t want to talk to? Have you accepted jobs that are below the hourly or salary you wanted or jobs which were below your skill level? These things can happen often when we don’t know what it is that we truly want. Take time to listen to your inner voice. Sit down and think about what it is that you want in your life and write it down. It’s easier to say no to things that you don’t want when you actually know what they are.

Failing to speak up and voice your opinion

When you don’t voice your opinion, you lead others to believe that you don’t have an opinion. People who are more aggressive or even abusive will have no problem forming an opinion for you or trying to force their beliefs on you. When you don’t speak up in situations in which you should, it shows others that you don’t respect yourself and that you can be walked over. Some people will even believe that you are slow are incompetent when you fail to speak up for your rights. Practice speaking up in small situations first. Then build up to standing up for yourself against your family members and superiors at work. Remember that it’s not negative or mean to disagree with someone. You have opinions just like everyone else. You are not beneath anyone and your voice deserves to be heard.

You allow others to waste your time

A person who knows his/her worth in both their personal and professional lives will not allow others to waste their time. It’s one thing to be kind but it’s a whole other thing to overextend yourself and to sit through situations that you know you will not get anything out of. If people constantly don’t respond to your calls and texts, repeatedly stand you up or cancel on you, or try to dominate your time (spend too much time with you, come over unannounced, talk you to deaf) and you still allow them to do it, you are wasting your time. When you first see that someone is clearly wasting your time, let them go and don’t look back. You will be surprised to see how many people come looking for you when you stop allowing them to waste your time. The guy who is really interested in you will try harder to keep dates. The lady who really wants to be friends will make more of an effort to call or text you back as well as hang out. Individuals in your career will respect you more when you refuse to waste time on jobs that you know are not for you and see you going for what you truly want.

You come around too often

Have you ever heard of the scarcity effect? Things and people that are scarce are seen as of higher value. Why? They/it are hard to come by. Think of products that can only be found in certain stores or that are only available through certain companies. The distributors of these products can charge customers more because they know that it cannot be found anywhere else. Products that are more common cost less and sell out faster. People and psychology are the same way. We get tired of people we hear from or see too often but we get excited or anxious over people who we don’t come in contact that often with. Making yourself scarce or not as available to others will give you a higher value. So, take a little more time to respond to texts and calls or don’t answer some at all. Don’t be available for every date or hangout you are invited to. Fill your calendar with events and hobbies that you enjoy and be genuinely busy when some opportunities arise.

You’re afraid to set your price

The number one way that you allow others to decide your value for you is that you don’t set your price and stick to it! This goes for personal and business relationships. If there are certain standards that you have in your dating life, set them and stick to them. If you don’t want a guy over after a certain time at night, stick to it. If you don’t want to have sex before marriage, stick to it. If you don’t allow men to talk to you a certain way, tell them and stick to it. If you absolutely don’t tolerate being stood up or repeatedly canceled on, stick to it. The way that you allow others to speak to you and treat you speaks volumes of you worth. In business, don’t be afraid to negotiate your salary! If you know that your job average is a certain amount or that you deserve a raise, speak up. Don’t allow others to force, manipulate or intimidate you into performing tasks that are not a part of your job description or into doing illegal/unethical things just to get the job done. If the person or company cannot meet your standards, don’t be afraid to move on and to move on quickly. The more time you waste on those who don’t see your value, the more time you are away from those who see your value and are willing to pay the price for you.