Top 7 signs your friend is jealous of you and how to respond...

All of us have experienced the ugly green monster or Jealousy at one time another. I know I have both been jealous of someone else and noticed that another person was jealous of me. Although we may think of jealousy as a normal human emotion, God actually sees it as sinful--something fleshly. Jealousy has not gender, age, race, class, or culture and anyone can be a host of it. If jealousy is not checked when it first roars it's ugly head, it can ruin self-esteem, friendships, jobs, you name it! Each person is different and show their feelings in various ways. However, there are some general signs that you can look out for that most likely show that your BFF is feeling some type of way towards you. Let's take a look

She makes negative remarks, noises or faces when you are complimented or praised

“Out of the abundance of the mouth the heart speaks…” so if a friend is jealous of you, you better believe that it will come out in either her verbal or nonverbal body language! Some people will make blunt rude or hurtful remarks when you are complimented but others may be a little more slick about it. Look out for back handed compliments and hidden negative statements as well as the blunt ones. People who are not outspoken may make grunts and moans rather than speak their mind. I remember the first time I noticed my former BFF was jealous of me. When the director of our job praised me in front of the other counselors for always getting my work in on time, she responded with a grunt that screamed “yea right!”. Jealousy also shows up in body language. One thing you’ll notice if someone is jealous of you is that they will roll their eyes at you, cross their arms, turn their body away from you, or sit further away from you. They may also present with some aggressive body language like making mean faces, leaning towards you like they want to hit you or walking up on you closely to try to intimidate you. People act like this in hopes that you will dim your light to make them feel better.

She tries to dress, walk, talk, and act like you!

This one actually shocked me when I found out that people who are jealous of you and want to be like you will try to imitate you. They are not confident in who they are and what they have to offer so they feel like they have to be a clone of you. No, imitation isn’t the best form of flattery. It’s down right annoying, especially when you’re an adult and you feel like someone is trying to steal your identity and individuality. God made all of us unique with different looks, personalities, thoughts and opinions. We need to share what we each bring to the table. When we copy others we are attempting to devalue how God made us and what he put in us to give the world.

She steals your ideas after you shared them with her

This goes back to copying the other person but it’s deeper than that. Your friend may feel that taking your ideas and presenting them as their own at work or school will make them more like you and that they will have whatever qualities you have that they desire. She also may do this as a way to beat you to the punch and to make herself be seen as better than you. There’s no need to steal ideas from others. What’s for you is for you and we are all gifted in different areas. If your friend is better than you in one thing, you may be better than her in another. Enjoy your differences and learn from one another.

She purposely tries to hurt or offend you

People who aren’t happy with themselves try to hurt the person who they are jealous of. They say that misery loves company and a jealous friend will want you to feel as bad about yourself as she feels about herself. She may do things to offend you like purposely leave you out, do things that she knows annoys or hurts you, steal your boyfriend, talk to your crush, or talk trash to people about you behind your back. That leads me to my next point…

She talks trash about you when you’re not around

Jealous friends may become so obsessed with your perceived perfectness that they become so worked up and begin taking smack about your behind your back. Although gossiping is wrong, it’s normal to talk about people every now and then. However, a friend that has not so friendly feelings towards you will talk about it to your mutual friends and sometimes even your enemies. They may be doing it to get people against you, to get them to side with them, or they may not realize why they are doing it at all. The goal in general is to make you look like you’re not all that to others.

They start spending less time with you and avoid you calls/texts/DMs

Some friends may get to the point where they can no longer be in your presence because of their negative feelings towards you. Your friend may start making excuses as to why she can’t hang out with you over and over and just decline each time you reach out to her. She will stop reaching out to your first--or at least not as often as she used to—and take hours or days to respond to your calls, texts, and direct messages online. She may not answer them at all.

She will try to get rid of you

Once a jealous friend has had enough of you she may try to get rid of you and drop you all together. If you are school aged, she may change cliques or try to do something to get you out of the clique. If you are an adult, she might stop contacting you altogether or tell you to stop contacting her. If you two work together, she may conspire to get you fired or sabotage you so badly that you feel you have no other option but to quit. When someone is at this level of jealousy, she can no longer stand to be in your presence and you need to look out.

What to do about it?

I would say that it depends on the level of friendship, your personal temperament, and whether you think the friendship is worth saving or not. Remember that we have all fallen short of the glory of God. So, the first thing we must do is forgive our friend who hurt us. Realize that she is only acting this way because she is not happy with herself or that she sees you as a threat. Try being more relatable and don’t be afraid to share some of your own faults so that people don’t see you as perfect. Try boosting your friend’s confidence by complimenting her on the things that you like about her (hair, style, personality traits, intelligence, creativity, ect.) and encourage her to spend more time doing things that she is good at. She will feel more balanced in the friendship and not see herself as lesser than you. If the person is a close friend and you don’t want to lose her, confront her about her attitude and behavior towards her and let her know that she has nothing to be jealous of. Let her know that you think as highly of her as she does of you. If the person is not close to you or if she’s done things so bad to you that you feel you are in harm‘s way, consider backing off from her. Don’t hang out with her as much as definitely be careful what you say and do around her because it may be used against you. Maybe only speak to her in passing or have general conversation with her in school or work. Leave out details about your life though. If you don’t wish to continue the relationship, respectfully let her know that you’ve moved on but wish and pray the best for her. This way you keep your dignity, you are not the bad person by stooping to her level, and hopefully she will realize for the future not to let her jealousy ruin her good friendships.

#jealous #freinds #envy